My computer has destroyed my last two attempts to post a blog about my seriously too calculated, and now very late new year’s resolutions, which, while bumming me out, is not about to deter the ambitious mood swings the new year has brought on. I am currently typing this in the notepad application, so as to protect my resolves should my computer freeze up once more. ANYWAY:
2009 was a pretty big nonevent for me and while I have always been terrible with keeping my ‘resolutions’ for longer than a week or two, I hope that writing a list such as this will make my aspirations more tangible thus giving me a legitimate motivation to stick to them, for once. So, here we go:
- Stop being such a buzzkill. God knows I should be appreciative of the fact I am even in a position to blacklist certain events or issues without giving them a chance, and I feel that while this is due probably more to my personality (which is an inherently sucky one) rather than my apparent desire to secure my position as the matriarch of Hades by perpetually and instantly damning every person, place or thing that comes my way, “fake it til you make it” is entirely applicable here and if I can just convince myself to get syked over something that ’09 Lindsay would have scoffed at, maybe I will enjoy life a little bit more.
- Stop being such a jerk, and judging books by their cover. While admittedly I am usually the first to shy away from the fourteen year old coontail-extentioned, pro-eyeliner civilians of Newcastle, or the guys who have whole photo albums on Myspace dedicated to their car or generic tattoos (because why wouldn’t you, right?), I feel this is a totally unjustifiable attitude considering these people could actually be quite cool desire surface characteristics that most definitely indicate otherwise. This self-righteous attitude has got me nowhere but too far up myself, and even though I know that it’s just not in my nature to ever form a legitimate friendship with someone who thinks it is a good idea to post their minus-Z-grade ‘poetry’ about their soul mate of the week on the internet, I can try my hardest to tolerate them. I can wipe this illegitimate smirk of pseudo-superiority off my face because the list of things I have done to “deserve” it is very, very limited.
- Make friends. While this seems like a very vague concept for a resolution, it’s probably the area I need the most work in. As you may have picked up from point number two, I am a bit of a self-righteous jerk. But more than that, I am a social disaster. My sheer social ineptitude makes me a terrible friend finder, and my noncommittal attitude to most things and people drains me of my will to continue / maintain these poorly formed friendships. I am definitely not taking a shot at the quality of my current friendships here (or should I say friendship, considering there is only one person I am perpetually willing to regularly hang out with), because the importance of my friendship with Natasha invariably outweighs the importance of my “friendship” (and I use that term very, very loosely) with you. No, there is more. Isabelle, Tyler, Bella, Casey; I apologize. I especially love you four too. But it would be nice to have some more acquaintances. You know, a few more people I can hang out with when these people, aren’t available. You guys will be my silver medals. I’m totally kidding here by the way, I just want to know some more valuable people who share the same views as I do. That being said, the point of this resolution is to get ME to make the effort. I need to realise that I should be willing to extend a hand to any poor, misguided individuals who display a genuine interest in forming a friendship with me, despite the inevitable incompatibility at its core.
- Care less about trivial issues / become less paranoid. I need to realise that if I go out looking less than perfect, the people at Coles probably aren’t going to think any less of me. I need to realise that the people who I love, already love me back, and probably aren’t going to wake up one day and decide that they don’t anymore. I need to realise that the people I know have changed for the better, and that I don’t need to be waking up every day waiting for them to make the same mistakes that may have compromised our friendship in the past. I need to realise that every house i live in, is not haunted, and bring my mirror back into my bedroom.
I realise this list is pretty limited at the moment but it is by no means final. Expect me to add things to it as I notice more sucky parts of my personality that I need to improve on.
